Shell

Wed, 25 Apr 2001 00:09:38 GMT

guess what i am doing! i am eating pickels and getting juice all over!..
ah,,

i miss shoh.

goodbye!

mou.

Tue, 24 Apr 2001 20:37:37 GMT

i like the whole pink hair/cartoon concept

Tue, 24 Apr 2001 00:42:38 GMT

mou

digital camera

Tue, 24 Apr 2001 00:00:34 GMT

i just spent the last 4 hours sitting here watching my brother attempt to install the USB port and then get the digital camera to work- but guess what. things never work right! =/ we had to install windows 98 again and when it finally started installing, that took awhile still. ahh.. hrm. now he left and the camera isnt installed right. i am way to impatient. he's not going to come back till wednesday either.. and knowing him, i doubt he'll even come back then. i can't wait till i get this working and my web cam. i am obbsessed. now i am printing out pictures for my english project due tomorrow. god- my printer sucks. i'll have to cut out the pictures some cool way and put them all together and make it look like a decent poster for my project grade.

my day. my day.

Mon, 23 Apr 2001 19:27:53 GMT

hrm. today i had school. first i had to sit in spanish and try and pay attention, but i can't. then i decided i should probably ask the teacher how to do it so that i could do my homework without copying it..then she explained it to me and i understood it right away- therefore i don't understand the whole standing in front of the class using the dry erase board to teach me-it's probably just me-but i cannot learn that way =/. then in math i had to try and study really quick because we had a unit test..and it's the first day we are back. pretty retarded. hrm- i am guessing i did pretty bad on that. Then i got to go to lunch..brandi and liz were skipping.oh yeah and trinas hair is this bright red/orange color now at her roots and gets a darker red as it goes down. i don't think she did it on purpose. but it looks pretty cool. ahk- so yeah i ate a pretzel and some of this ice cream stuff for lunch. Then-- i went to Bio. but before that, i saw these little sticky-post notes that said "35 days" and me being retarded..decided i should rip them off and put them on my locker. because i am just so cool or something. so i made liz rip them down and then i went over and put it on my locker and this popular bitch and all her friends are like "EH.. EXCUSE ME!" and i just started laughing, then shes like "DO YOU FIND IT FUNNY, THAT YOU JUST RIPPED THAT DOWN?!?!" and katrina just started cracking up while the girl was yelling at me o.O , then i just kept on laughing and she kept asking me if i thought it was funny.. eventually she left. but now all her stupidass friends stare me down in the halls.( oh no! or something?) then i just went to gym after bio, then back to bio for a block. ahhh boring. i was just sitting there starring at the overhead as he explained "mitosis/meosis/sexual reproduction/etcetc for the millionth time. i guess i was day dreaming to much, i fell asleep for a little and then jerked forward and woke up. then i decided i should stay attentive. i tried my best.

oh yes. that was how my day went! and i am so sure you had fun reading that. but you should acknowledge the sarcasm.

oh but guess what. i submitted this poem to poetry.com because my mom was yelling at me about not doing anything with my writing talent if it is a hobby..and i just submitted one that fit right because i tried 50times and it said to many lines or some shit. i didn't think the one i submitted was very good, but they choose it for a poetry book and also i can win like $10,000 or something. but guess what?! thats not going to happen!!

bye!

prettay fairy.

Mon, 23 Apr 2001 19:09:48 GMT

my throat hurts from screaming.

Sun, 22 Apr 2001 21:32:21 GMT

well, i still haven't done any homework. I don't think I am going to. I didn't do much today, i invited my nextdoor neighbors over to do something because I was really bored, and they are younger and messier and made a mess of the kitchen and got mud on tha stairs or somet shit, so then when my mom gets home i am sitting there watching a movie and she starts flipping out. Then we went through this while argument. To tell you the truth, i always clean up after my next door neighbors but i didn't see any mud and the kitchen was already messy before my mom left, so I just decided to be lazy and leave it. Ahh..i can't stand her. She started saying all this shit and being stupid. Then i decided to go on the computer and scan a picture of me that i never have and she starts saying alls i want to be is a slut.. (it's not even a slutty picture! =/ ) then, she says that I don't have friend because I'm not a decent human being and that I don't care about anything. Oh, and I am immature and not responcible. I guess this is all average mother-daughter quarraling.. but hrm..only if you knew my mom. I just try to sit and ignore her. but, now my throat hurts from screaming.

Sun, 22 Apr 2001 21:25:06 GMT

yay. i figured out how to do this picture thing

tired tired tired

Sun, 22 Apr 2001 16:09:04 GMT

heh, i changed the colors on this live journal, but i doubt I'll keep them. Oh well.. i am oh so tired now. My next door neighbor called me at 9am for no reason. Usually I'm not tired at 9 or 9:30, but since I've been on break I am always tired. and now today I have to study/do all my homework that I didn't do this week.. fun? I probably won't even end up doing it.

ah hrm!

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 23:43:40 GMT

Well, let's see. what did I do today. Well, I woke up when I was still tired because I am obbsessed with the fact that time is to short and I always think I need to get things done and theres no time, so I got up and watched "Almost Famous" and yes yes! That movie is great! I really recommend it. Then I still decided to be lazy, so I watched "Lucky Numbers", that movie was good, but could have been better. Hmm, in the middle of that I decided to make myself some bacon and eggs. very greasy =/. Then.. I don't know what i did.. i guess i invited my nextdoor neighbor over and we took pictures with my digital camera and I expected that I could just hook it up to her computer to get the pictures, but she doesn't have a USB port either, so that didn't work. I'll get them sooner or later. ahk, i am so boring. And I'm mad.. no more spring break for me. Now, i have to deal with this 13year old boy harrasing me about stupid immature things. yay. i am so so interesing.

"tony said,that u were such an ugly whore that an undercover cop threw u in jail cause u were so ugly and so f'n poor and ur stupidy was so great that he had too or he would have go to a nut asylem, dont yell at me he's right next to me so u yell at him"

oh and of course, i love this one ..
"tony said that ur were so poor that u had to live under a bench and feed ur dog grass"

this is hardcore

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:31:14 GMT

xSHOHx [11:25 PM]: i'm crazy for this girl

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:29:00 GMT

i hope you have the time of your life

he is my mou

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:22:14 GMT

xSHOHx signed off at 11:14:42 PM.
xSHOHx signed on at 11:14:43 PM.

even if mou means fuck or what not. or even if it doesn't. i mou him! do i? yes i do. go away now. bam. bam. bam.
-----
its something unpredictable, but in the end its right.
----

bus-ay?!

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:18:35 GMT

so you are busy?! busy busy busy to talk to me!

helllo hot-ayy

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:17:13 GMT

you know. you remind me of a lolly pop. sitting on a lawn chair singing "lolly pop, lolly pop, who wants a lollypop.. du du du du" then the lolly pop gets crushed. damn you! you stepped on it.

who am i?

you mean.. ME as in ME!!? i don't know. would you care to..whats that word, ah nevermind.

who are you?

i am IMPROVISED. everyday. a new improvision.

MOU mucking mou. you. and you and you and you. and i want to sit here and type about n-o-t-thing because thats who i am. i am yes. nothing. mou. and oh no the bitch is going?! oh well. i am not a bitch. anabolic frolic.

i am creative. enjoy me! embrace me! hate only creates more hate!

my writing yo.

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:12:44 GMT

not very nice writing! well fuck off. this is my writing.

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:11:59 GMT

going to my imaginary world. it's purple. and hazy. yeah like purple haze. but not really. theres no jimi hendrix playing. and i see clouds and i see a swing-set. and i see a sun, through the purple haze. it's like clouds. but they are purple. and this is my utopia. my place where life is perfect. but then someone falls from the swing, and they fall through the clouds and land inside a long dark corrider. its pitch black. except there is a tiny hole and light pours through this. you can dust flying through the air where the light shows, and then it creates a tiny area or light on the floor. walking towards it, am pulled down through the black floor and locked with chains to a wall. it's dark here too. and i dream of my utopia as i am forever chained.

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:07:37 GMT

watched american history x.

boy dies. the end.

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:07:01 GMT

mou mou mou mou. "you are a suckup michelle, why do you copy them? you suck up to much. you try to hard" WELL YOU ARE FUCKING ANNOYING. I DON'T LIKE YOUR STUPID ATTITUDE OF "I MIGHT BE ANGSTY BUT I THINK I'M CUTE OR SOMETHING" IT'S ALLLLLL ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING. AND I ANNOY YOU? AND I AM A HYPOCRITE. APOLOGIZE. FUCKING ANNOYING. MOP.

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 03:05:10 GMT

"well you fight a lot, i want you to be happy, i never see you smile. you always seem depressed. i don't like always seeing you in a bad mood. maybe if you were in a good mood, i would be happy too. i mean, you fight everynight.. (you drink evenight too. but i can't say that, you're depressed enough as it is. i don't like when you cry. do i like you? i don't know. wait, yes .. i do. i like the happy you. i don't know what to do. should i tell you i don't love you anymore? is it at the point where i have to just pretend because i don't want to make you any sadder. maybe i'd be happier at dads. i mean. yeah maybe i would. stupid stupid stupid. just shut up.

Sat, 21 Apr 2001 01:54:04 GMT

whose eyes are those.
yes, those stupid green ones
starring back at me.
whose innocense has now
dissolved into a tear,
streaming down a blushing cheek.
ashamed? is that the word?
has she now..messed up.
never going to be fixed now will it?
those eyes only bleed tears,

Thu, 19 Apr 2001 00:41:02 GMT

we've all gone mad.
not going to cry now.
not going to self pity.
happy happy me.
anabolic frolic.
take your frown.
along with a needle and thread
and stich,
you will smile.
we've all gone fucking mad.

Wed, 21 Feb 2001 02:54:22 GMT

you came into my life like a god
thats what i thought of you atleast
it takes a god to make me smile
a god 2 make me as happy as I was
It must also take a god 2 leave me
abandon me,the way u did
of course,I know I must be making
a big deal out of something
that meant nothing
but it did mean something.u should know
But now,I dont know what 2 do
Today you said hello
First time,in what feels like 4ever
The thing is,I started to forget u.I tried
Explained to myself that I had been abandoned
Told myself,I was stupid
That you were just a one time fetish
But when you said Hi,I forgot about that
All I thought of was how much I missed smiling
and how much I missed the way
you made me feel
Untill,you said something
and it reminded me of the things
I hate about u
I hate that I cant have u
but most of all.Like people say,
I hate that I cant hate you

Tue, 20 Feb 2001 17:59:45 GMT

you really messed up this time michelle
the world doesnt need weak people like you.
you know..its easier after the first 2 or 3
then you cant taste it
at first i force it down my throat
i feel sick just thinking about the taste
its not really that bad though!
you know..michelle..
i can drink it anyway
i need this.
soon you wont be able to feel
the tears
you wont be able to feel
your skin
starring
you'll stare
its okay michelle
i'll be okay, wont i?
i cant help it can i?
oh..my lord
please forgive me for i have sinned
oh lord..where were you?
wont you help me?
do you exisit oh lord?
i was taught to follow your rules
of life.
but they dont come with instructions
they dont tel me how to be perfect
they tell me to follow your rules
oh lord..
but they dont say it will be hard
its very fucking hard
help me!
why wont you
i dont know what im doing anymore
life is sad
mine atleast.
i cant help it
i can feel my skin
i need help oh lord
send your gurdian angel to help me
and what will happen when i die?
nothing.
i will be forgotten
wasnt i meant to be special
i cry.
i want to be special.
oh lord. where are you?
i hold my stomach inside
i can feel it crying
it wants to be let out
i can hear typing
the music has stopped
it sounds so odd.
everythings a blur oh lord
why would you create such an
awful place my god?
i dont want to drink it
i force myself
i have nothing better to do
with this life oyu gave me
im sppose to be special!
i was created for a reason. oh lord
please help me.
please. i feel dizzy
i want to go away
i want to be happy
stop the crying.
where are you?
im fucking talking to myself oh lord.
what the fuck is wrong with me.
help me.
im weak.
you often forget of me
michelle-
thisd world doesnt need weak people like you.
invinsible
i hold it all in.
but eventully..it needs to come out
oh wont you help me?
i cant belivbe
somehting this strong
would fuck with my thoughts
it changes me
it shows my true self
my hidden self
and it takes this?!
why?
no one will want you michelle
no one./
your not importANT/!~.
life just does this to you.
oh stop
im cold
leave me be
i fucking need help
. dont just turn around
]im here
i exsist
fucking help me for once.

Wed, 14 Feb 2001 00:43:17 GMT

cold tea.
you stay..
your flavor settles
drifting and floating and fading away
red red rose.
pink ones smell better.
will you pluck your petals?
..if you can do that.
walking into this trap
im locked.
your words they hold me here
you can't accept me.

like this. the thoughts switch.